Forgiveness

When my friend asked me if I could speak on forgiveness I didn’t think I had anything. Nothing came to mind except the subtle highlight from God - You’ve forgiven your mom multiple times and been forgiven by others as well.

Have I? I thought.

The more I thought about it - there is was.

The subtle choice driven forgiveness I’ve given her slowly over time. Forgiveness doesn’t happen in a day. You don’t go from unforgiveness to forgiveness like a checked box. You get there slowly - over time.

You let the Holy Spirit lead and nudge and guide you there on this journey to full forgiveness, inside you.

Forgiveness is hard to do - bitterness and anger is so much easier. Especially when there is a lot of pain involved. I used to blame my mother for not protecting me. I thought it was her fault. Every time I felt that pain I hated her for it. And she easily took the blame for it, she was good at that.

Truth is and was - no one was truly to blame for the pain I was in. We all experience pain in this fallen world. It was the maturity in me that allowed this belief and lens to grow. We are all in pain all the time. It’s what we do with it that matters the most.

Do we take it out on others? on ourselves? Have we let our circumstances and pain keep us from a close intimate relationships with God? I used to do this too. It turns out I had a lot of hurt and pain from my father too and I projected this onto God.

For years I could only see Him through the lens I’d created. A lens that said “You must be just like him, you’d leave me too.” Anytime I felt scared and alone I let this lens dictate my closeness, my level of intimacy with Father God.

The thing about God is, He didn’t let me stay there. Viewing Him this way. See, He knew the truth and wanted me to see it too. Not just see it but to know it. Experience it, feel it, know without a shadow of a doubt that my world view of Him was wrong - in the best way.

I have learned that God loves to go on the journey with us! It’s almost like He would say “oh this lens is no good, let’s build a new one, a better one, one that’s more realistically me. He knew who He was and that’s never changing. I’m the one who needed and could benefit from knowing and experiencing the truth.

This is intimacy with the Father!

I’ve always heard intimacy explained as “in-to-me-you-see” Intimacy is seeing someone for who they really are. This is the gift given to each and everyone of us. To experientially know the Father, YOUR Father!

It’s in these intimate places that we are made whole from the pain of this world.

It doesn’t matter what has been done to us, God can heal anything we’ve got! I love to think of Christine Cain’s story of healing from childhood sexual abuse. I won’t share much about hit because it’s her story to tell but I think of it anytime I see or hear her speak with such joy, such wisdom, such authority!

This is the power - the healing power - of God. God’s love for us. Forgiveness is a byproduct of this healing. The more my heart is healed the more open to forgiveness I am. Healing, pain, & forgiveness go hand in hand. I could stay stuck; full of unforgiveness, bitterness and strife. I could let this eat me up inside, because the reality is - the only one who feels your unforgiveness is you. The person hurting doesn’t feel your unforgiveness. The person needing to be forgiven doesn’t feel your unforgiveness.

You do. It stays inside of you. It eats away at you. That’s no way to live. Disconnected from the life available right inside of you. Psalms 4:23 says “Above all else, guard you heart, for it is the wellspring of life!” God wants to bring forth a well spring of life from me, and from you! Think about that for a moment. If that doesn’t feel real or true yet then let this be an invitation to you to start today. Let God heal the most hurting and intimate places in your heart so that you can be free from bitterness and anger. So that you can be connected to this wellspring of life growing inside of you!

As you walk along this journey remember that forgiveness gets to be a choice just like staying stuck in bitterness can be a choice too. Remember to do this first for yourself and then for them, next for everybody else near you - so you can be the person you’d want to come home to.

Forgiveness is hard to do - no one is saying it’s easy. No one is saying “just get over it!” It’s not a switch you can flip, but a process and journey to recovery that you can choose to go on & the best people do. If this is you I want to walk you through a little something if or when you are ready.

Repeat after me. There are no magic words but it’s simply a start, an invitation to heart healing and intimacy with the Lord. It goes like this:

“I’d choose to forgive my mother and father but I don’t know how to, yet. There may be a day where I’m better at this, a day where it comes more naturally to me, but I’m not there, yet. I want to grow in this area. Where forgiveness can be more natural to me. Where forgiveness flows more freely from me. As God says “Ask and you shall receive.” and “Freely give as you’ve freely be given.” I accept the forgiveness that God has for me, the forgiveness that He so freely gives me. I give this same forgiveness freely to others. I will not stand as judge and jury for someone else’s crimes, not even my own. I include myself in the freedom I so freely give to other people. I let this be a lifestyle of constant easily, readily available forgiveness.

In Jesus name! Amen”

Now go and be free.

I know that it’s not just a one prayer and done job but it’s a start. It’s a beautiful heart included start. And you have to start somewhere on this journey whether it’s your first time ever or reoccurring needs for forgiveness. You’ll get there - I know you will. Best of luck and God’s full love my friend.